Lesson # 8: Other’s fortune can be your own

Today when I was walking through the carpark to head into the local supermarket, I caught a sight of something that made me giggle. A packet of black&gold birdseed had fallen from someone’s trolley and split open onto the road. A lucky pigeon had also spotted it and was muching away, the happiest little bird I have ever seen! I smiled, and realised that someone else’s fortune had made my day. Even if it was only as small as a bird.

Lesson # 7: Wear appropriate footwear when it rains

In my eagerness to get out and about during the first wet days of the Autumn, I headed out with my raincoat on to class when…

ooops! It started to bucket down! And suddenly I remembered- wet shoes are not fun. My little lady jane shoes were soaked through and squelchy squishy within seconds and then I had to have wet feet and wet stockings all day long.

Better wear something more appropriate next time!

I wish I had a cat

This isn’t a lesson. I just wish I could have a cat. But I can’t, so this is me in my imaginary room with my imaginary kitten. Her name is ginger and we have matching hair colour

Lesson #6: There are some days better spent in bed

When you asked your crush out and he said no, your face exploded with pimples, your hair grew a mind of its own, your cooking turned out horrid and your rooms a mess- It’s time to stay warm and snuggled under the covers.

Lesson # 5: Watch your step

Now days, I always, always check behind me as I leave.

Lesson # 4: Ladies, secure your discretions

This incident happened whilst standing next to cute boy I was crushing on at the time.

Lesson #3: Always check where your parking your fine behind

This happens to me a lot in bars, when I’m not paying attention. And, its usually when I’m wearing a risky skirt or dress which means I have to discreetly make my way to the nearest bathroom and prey to god the hand dryer is working, to avoid any unnecessary sympathy stares or raised eyebrows.

Lesson # 2: Don’t get too cocky

One fine summers day, I thought I had particularly nice hair, a fairly good face day, a brand new dress on and was walking with an icecream. Yeah, I thought. I look pretty fly.

Then I tripped, and my ice cream dropped on the floor.

Great.

Lesson #1: Riding on the Train

As a student and as a somewhat ecologically aware person, it is inevitable that I must frequently use the train to commute to daily places of work. Along the way, I have developed a set of rules that should apply to everyone who shares the same fate as me:

1. FEET

Your dirty, ingrown, hairy cankles look unsightly and have just put me well off my lunch. Get some real shoes, for Peets sake!

2. FOOD

See that sticker up there? (Because obviously, common sense is not common at all.) It doesn’t just refer to a hamburger and a milkshake (although to be fair that’s what it looks like.) It also means NO KFC, NO stinking sausage roll, VB cans, Wild Turkey& Cola, or any other food and beverage item. No one wants to sit there and smell your deep fried pickled ox tongue.

3. KIDS

Undesirable. The Kid is annoying. tell him to SIT DOWN and shut the fiddle up!!!

4. ELDERLY

See that old lady over there bent over a frame? She’s not making a porno. She’s just had a hip replacement.

See your chair?

The one your sitting in?

GET. OUT.

5. BUMS

I don’t know what to do about this one, but seriously, you need a chair for each butt cheek and your greasy arm is rubbing up against me and I feel like I might be about to get a little bit of sick in my mouth.

6. PEAK HOUR

Hey! You! People in the Aisles that got on in Midland! YOU ARE NOT VIP. You are not more important than the people getting on at East Perth. Sorry to break the news to you. Its peak hour on here- everyone needs to get to work for that career-defining presentation. That includes you Mr Briefcase. MOVE DOWN!!!!!!!! The people in the doorway can’t breathe and I think someone just had his nose shaved off by the doors.

7. PHONES & iPODS

Do I really need to point this out? Really? Are you actually assuming we are cool with hearing all about your best friends’s divorce? Do you really think everyone on here likes listening to Slipknot at 7am?